My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
