Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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