Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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