i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
