i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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