I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
