Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
