mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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