So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
