Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
