When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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