college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
