sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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