the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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