I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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