Duck Duck Cougar?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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