Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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