fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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