my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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