Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My underwear smells like fireworks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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