You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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