someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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