sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We are all done wearing pants today
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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