So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
