i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
