can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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