maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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