Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
