apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
