apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
