Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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