Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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