There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it because I queefed?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
