sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
