she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
