Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
