just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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