five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
