i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
