I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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