and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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