Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
