Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
