id be glad to
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
