I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
