I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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