member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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