And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
