eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize