well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
