ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
