I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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