hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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