he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
