At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
