Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
