I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
