why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
