Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
