I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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