I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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