Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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