Umm I'm too high to move.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
