Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
