Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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