So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She bit a glass in half.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
