did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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