It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
