I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
