I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
