I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
