i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
