I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
