i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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