I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Four minutes until I can fart!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
