Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
