So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
