You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
