Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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