I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize