Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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