I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
