omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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