I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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