Your dad touched me again.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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