I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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