Small penises have feelings too.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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