I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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