I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
