I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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